Healers are not here to be martyrs.
- Felicity Weston
- Nov 21
- 3 min read
Medicine Woman, Healer, Light-worker, Love-worker, Shadow-worker - whatever it is you might call yourself... :)
May we remember, over-giving is not devotion...
It's a wound we've mistaken for virtue.
Our healers are not here to be martyrs... they should not be exhausted, sick and struggling - for the sake of another's healing.
Truth be told, I used to give until I had nothing left, and even with a full diary of clients & fully booked events (pre-motherhood) I still struggled to pay my bills & it was usually a credit card that afforded me anything beyond the basics.
I remember clients would be so grateful to me for making my offerings "low-cost" (of course this is always going to be subjective) & for all the time and energy I would offer them.
I didn't realise at the time but my wounds were lapping it all up. I felt good about myself & it helped soften the fact that I was utterly exhausted and struggling in more ways than just financially.
Note: I know I'm not alone here, and in no way am I sharing this suggesting I am a victim of my circumstance. I share in the name of transparency, speaking to something I believe is incredibly important.
I've evolved considerably since this time - through meeting many wounds and my perceived edges, over and over again.
I have also shifted how I work many times... each time meeting self-questioning and doubt, and receiving judgement and projections from others.
Collective narratives and confining beliefs were running in my subconscious, clawing at my intuition:
"Is it wrong to ask for money in return for helping people?"
"Is it greedy to want more for myself?"
"Who do I think I am?"
"What will people think?"
The truth is, some people do think I'm greedy. Some have told me this directly, over the years. And, I still receive many messages of gratitude for my prices and payment plan options.
And I’m not here to say either are wrong or right.
I’m here to speak to the collective wound that is causing distortion in the energetic field of healers, money and reciprocity - and that is, the martyrdom wound.
When I sat in contemplation I realised how we often applaud people who give more than they receive. We praise selflessness. We admire the friend who is always there. We idolise those who go above and beyond. We celebrate the healer who pours and pours… even when it costs them.
(I do this too, still! Though I am working on also celebrating rest, self-devotion, self-care, receiving abundantly...)
And unintentionally, we have created a culture where over-giving has become proof of "goodness".
We've learned that giving more than we receive is a pre-requisite for being respected, valued, and even loved... and so healers have learned their worth is tied to sacrifice.
Then it is reinforced externally by people who benefit from the healer being underpaid, overextended, and endlessly available.
The world loves the healer who gives everything - but often hesitates to celebrate the healer who is resourced, well paid, and truly well.
Because a healed healer no longer serves from scarcity. They serve from truth and a heart-led choice - anchored in reciprocity and devotion to self, first.
They serve from a place that doesn't require self-abandonment or betrayal. And that can be confronting.
But being well-paid does not diminish a healers impact... it protect and expands it. It allows it to be sustainable instead of sacrificial.
Healers are not here to be martyrs.
They are here to be conduits.
And a conduit works best when energy flows both ways.
Healers, it is time to heal this wound so we can give from an over-flowing cup.
Join me this Sunday in ceremony to journey to the root of the martyrdom wound.
Or better yet, join an epic group of women healers journeying with the 5 core collective wounds of the healer.
Details:
With SO much love, Felicity x
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