I started my womb-healing journey a few years into my relationship with my
now-husband. After a rocky first few years together, navigating those post-honeymoon "issues" (AKA bringing our past into the present, unnecessarily! And clinging onto the narratives that we believed kept us safe) we began to settle down together.
It was a strange feeling, that in all honesty, I questioned...
Where was the drama? Is it boring now?! Is this really love?
The truth was, drama was all I had ever known, and so anything other than that was somehow more triggering (for a while).
I finally felt safe and held in a relationship - and I realised it was the first time I had ever truly felt that.
After a few years together, and our combined devotion to healing, a lot of old “trauma stuff” started to rise to the surface.
I began to be plagued by memories and felt sexually protective.
I wondered, "why now?! When I am finally happy and things are stable…?"
The thing is, it is only when we are in a stable space we can begin our healing process properly.
Read that again.
I was also wholly choosing the path of healing at this point, and deep into the journey.
I saw healers regularly, self-healed and sat with plant medicine often.
What I have learned is:
Healing is a journey that will take us INTO unprocessed trauma, in order to process it properly.
Read that again, too.
No doubt you’ve heard this phrase before,
“The only way out is in”
But can we all pause to really be with what that means for a moment:
On a journey of healing,
Emotional un-ease can and will rise.
Mental un-ease can and will rise.
and physical dis-ease can rise - or seemingly worsen.
THIS is something not spoken about enough within the holistic healing industry.
Or perhaps we just don’t fully understand it… until we are out the other side.
It’s the small print that needs to be shouted via megaphone 📢
It is crucial that we understand this process because if we don’t,
healing can feel like we are “going backwards” and/or “making things worse”.
There have been moments in my own journey where I have questioned this work,
the modalities, plant medicines, healers & myself!
I have also wondered if I was taking on other people's stuff when holding space for others.
There were times I felt truly tormented - questioning why I was feeling so awful.
It took me years to fully understand the process of healing, and I share it today to support anyone who needs to remember this wisdom.
Of course, understanding the process of healing does not mean it will be an easy journey.
But knowing that unease can and likely will rise to the surface in order for healing to happen can offer faith in those times of darkness.
I can confirm (through my decade+ of experience healing, and witnessing others as a healer & teacher of this work) that there is NO way to bypass feeling the depths of pain, terror, trauma, and fear on the path of healing.
And believe me, I have tried!
True healing/processing requires us to feel (on some level) what we did not feel during a traumatic event or period of life.
Side note: We cannot process during a trauma because our body protects us through its natural trauma response. It is only ever post-trauma, that healing can begin.
I'll save the science for another post!
But to share from my own lived experience, I have had MORE physical issues rise, more emotional turmoil, and more moments of absolute despair.
And now... I FEEL more deeply than ever before.
I am aware.
I am no longer numb.
I am open…
and do you know what?
Openness means we can feel it all.
The rawest of pain….
BUT, the highest of highs too.
So, while healing is no walk in the park on a Summer's day...
I feel comfortable sharing a promise that it is absolutely worth it.
I can also confirm it has not been an easy journey, and one I am still on, but I am over here celebrating that I have healed on a physical level:
A dis-eased ovary
An Irregular cycle
Amongst many other things.... !
These physical issues were manifestations of unprocessed
Sexual & emotional abuse
Sexual shame & self-deprecation
I now have life back in my vagina & a beautiful baby girl to boot - and so much love, respect and trust in my body wisdom.
I share this with absolute transparency of the depth of this work, particularly for those of you feeling called to my upcoming healing journey Pilgrimage Of The Womb.
Pilgrimage Of The Womb is a 9-month online healing beginning Sunday 12th November.
We journey very slowly, with only 1 deep ceremony per month to ensure we have time to process and integrate along the way.
This is an intimate journey for women ready to traverse the landscape of their womb in the name of healing & freedom.
Just a few spaces remain now, and if you feel you might need some extra support I have 2 spaces remaining for a 1-2-1 journey alongside.
However, once they are gone, I have some very trusted healers I can recommend.
LINK FOR DETAILS: https://ookushana.mykajabi.com/pilgrimage-of-the-womb
With all my love, Felicity